Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Free

You know that ever popular question in religious circles concerning your spiritual growth that goes something like this, "What is the Lord teaching you these days?" I would have to answer that by saying that He is not necessarily "teaching" me as much as He is "freeing" me.

Day by day in my readings, meditation, pray, life, etc., I am slowly feeling another link in the chain of religious bondage being removed by my loving Savior. I believe He would prefer to just rip them off and be done with it, trading the weight of performance and people pleasing for His much lighter yoke of love, grace and acceptance. But alas, He has me to contend with in the process.

You see, there is a twisted sense of comfort in being bound. The very weight that holds me down and threatens to crush my spirit is the blanket I use to feel warm and secure, wrapping it tightly around my shoulders and holding on with a tight grip. As much as my soul yearns to walk in freedom with the Lord, it also fears such liberty. Why? Because, up until this point in my life, such weighlessness has been unknown to me. The unknown is scary and requires faith, and unfortunately I am realizing that mustard seed would be a generous description of mine.

Still finding it hard to believe that a person would prefer institutionalization to freedom, just remember Brooks and Red from The Shawshank Redemption (one of my all-time favorite movies). One killed himself because he could not handle being free; the other dreamed of breaking parole in order to return to his bondage.

And so it is with me. Jesus gently and lovingly removes a portion of chain, then I panic and put it back on. This is the dance we have been doing lately. Thankfully, He is patient, perseverant and long-suffering not to mention totally in love with me as part of His Bride so I am confident that He will not give up until I am totally free. It just breaks my heart that I make it so difficult for Him, and therefore, for myself. However, I have purposed in my heart as much as possible to enjoy the process and our time together dancing and battling these chains.

You shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free. May it be so in your life as well.

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