Draw near to the throne of grace.

The following excerpt is from Pleasures Evermore
by Sam Storm:

"God only looks for humility and desperation in those who would petition Him. So come. Ask Him for grace to love Him, to obey Him, to enjoy Him. Come falteringly, come failingly, but by all means come frequently. (emphasis mine)

What if the believer is unable to put words to his wants? Because this is a gracious throne God will read your desires without the words. Spurgeon explains that 'a throne that was not gracious would not trouble itself to make out our petitions; but God, the infinitely gracious One, will dive into the soul of our desires, and He will read there what we cannot speak with the tongue.' When my daughters were young and struggled to articulate their desires and needs, I didn't berate them or denounce their feeble efforts. I would help them any way I could, even by suggesting the very words they longed to utter. Will our heavenly Father do less for us? Spurgeon put it this way:

He [God] will put the desires, and put the expression of those desires into your spirit by His grace; He will direct your desires to the things which you ought to seek for; He will teach you your wants, though as yet you know them not; He will suggest to you His promises that you may be able to plead them; He will, in fact, be Alpha and Omega to your prayer, just as He is to your salvation; for as salvation is from first to last of grace, so the sinner's approach to the throne of grace is of grace from first to last.

Because it is a throne of grace, nothing is required of you but your need. Your ticket to the throne is not works but desperation. (emphasis mine) God doesn't want sacrifice or gifts or good intentions. He wants your helplessness in order that the sufficiency of His grace, at work on your behalf, might be magnified. This is a throne for the spiritually bankrupt to come and find the wealth of God's energizing presence. This is not the throne of majesty which supports itself by the taxation of its subjects, but a throne which glorifies itself by streaming forth like a fountain with floods of good things" (p. 285-286).

Called to Him.

The words of Karen Watson, servant of the Lord, who was killed in a drive-by shooting in 2004 while living as a missionary in Iraq. She wrote them in a letter to the pastor of Valley Baptist Church with the instructions to open it only upon her death. I painted these words on a wall in the house in little B-town. I pray that someday they would truly be written on my heart, and perhaps even said about the way I chose to live this life He has given me. For Him. For His glory.

The Purple Martens

My neighbor has a purple marten house in her backyard. She recently shared the following story with me, and I thought that I would pass is along.

One morning my neighbors awakened to the blessing of five baby martens perched upon the top of their marten house. Apparently, this was the day designated for them to learn to fly. The four females in the group promptly launched themselves from the safety of their perch, caught the wind and soared to heights yet unknown to their little hearts.

After much frolicking in the breeze, they noticed that the last of their siblings, the lone little male, was still gripping tightly to the bar unable to let go and enjoy the freedom of flight. Periodically, he would flap his wings in an attempt to bolster the courage necessary to take the first plunge into the unknown. But it was only after his beloved sisters returned to his place of fear and fluttered all around his head while chirping incessantly that he was able to overcome his paralysis and finally embrace the call of the wind. He was FLYING!

Even the birds of the air understand the importance of encouragement.

What person is there in your life that, even today, requires your encouragement in order to spread their wings and fly? That encouragement may come in the form of your acceptance of who they are, your forgiveness for what they have done, your gentle push in the direction they should go, or perhaps, just your presence in the midst of their struggle.

May we be found willing and faithful, for the sake of our flightless friends, to flutter and chirp until our wings can beat no more and our song becomes hoarse. That, they too, may soar.

In Christ Alone

After my earlier post this morning, I just had to listen to one of my all time favorite songs. Adrienne's voice and the instruments in this version speak to my soul like no other song can. It is the closest thing I have heard to what my mind imagines the praises in heaven to sound like. I used to make my 30 minute commute to work listening (while singing at the top of my lungs, and yes my hands left the steering wheel on occasion) to this song over and over.

Feel free to share your favorite.

Winsome

Have you ever been around someone that made you feel like you were in the presence of the Lord? Their entire being radiates with the joy of the Lord. They truly are the sweet aroma the Scripture talks about. You leave their company feeling refreshed, encouraged, perhaps even challenged or maybe pushed beyond your comfort zone - all in love.

No matter what, you want to spend more time with them. Because you know that with them you will encounter the Living God. Winsome. Characterized by joy. Charming, not by the world's definition, but in the supernatural, Holy Spirit empowered manner that draws people to the Lord and invites them to taste and see that He is good. Esther had it. My beloved friend Rachel has it (by the way, Happy Belated Birthday, precious one - if only we weren't separated by the pond). The people in the church we have been attending have it.

I want it. More accurately, I want to live it. The truth is we all have it (we are the very presence of the Lord here on earth as members of His Body and inhabitants of His Spirit), but some of us don't know how to live it yet. We are still trapped in the bonds of religious performance, unable to walk freely in the grace of God. Myself included.

If I were honest, I would have to admit that being around these people can be intimidating. Sometimes when I sit in this congregation, I feel like I am back in college attempting to take a senior level English class without having all the prerequisite courses. Perhaps you know the feeling, like everyone around you knows something that you do not, but that you should and everyone assumes you do. Only, I do know what they know I just don't know how to truly know it. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Perhaps not. Me neither.

An example always helps.

What is the difference? What do they understand and live that is missing in my life, and perhaps yours as well? Let me offer a few quotes followed by life examples to illustrate what I believe is the answer to those questions.

Sam Storm states, "God delights in our delight in Him." Or as John Piper says it, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

Makes me think of my little Emmylou. You know what brings the most joy to my heart? Not when she performs some feat or task for me. Not even when she is pleased with something that I have given her. No, my greatest joy comes when I see the delight on her face at being in my presence. The contentment that takes over her little body when we just snuggle on the couch reading books together. The fact that being with me brings her happiness makes my heart sing. Her love brings me honor and delight.

Contrast that with other human relationships. The people in your life for whom you feel the obligation to earn their approval. They are not merely satisfied with nor do they enjoy your presence but instead require your performance. Their company becomes a burden to your heart. The work it takes to please them steals any joy there might be in just being with them.

Translate those examples to our relationship with the Heavenly Father. Which God do you serve? The God of the Bible looks at me in the same way I look at my Emmylou.

The irony is that by delighting myself in Him, feasting on Him, basking in His glory, I find the desire and strength to obey Him. His yoke truly is easy and light. By enjoying Him and His presence, I become a true reflection of Him to the world. I attract others to Him. I become winsome. Characterized by joy, not obligation and burden.

I want it. I will live it. Not for the approval of man. Not for them to praise me and say "how wonderful I am." But that they might "see my good works (and even my joyful countenance) and praise my Father who is in heaven" (Matt. 5:16). He is worthy.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4). Even when the desire of your heart is to learn to delight in Him.

The very same Jesus

We are called to a Person, to Him. As A.W. Tozer states, "to the simplicity of Jesus Christ and His unchanging person."

From the July 23rd entry in A.W. Tozer on The Almighty God:

"The very same Jesus - a Brother who bears your image at the right hand of the Father, and who knows all your troubles and your weaknesses and sins, and loves you in spite of everything!

The very same Jesus - a Savior and Advocate who stands before the Father taking full responsibility for you and being easier to get along with than the nicest preacher you ever knew and being easier to approach than the humblest friend you ever had.

The very same Jesus - His is the sun that shines upon us, He is the star of our night. He is the giver of our life and the rock of our hope. He is our safety and our future. He is our righteousness, our sanctification, our inheritance."

In time may I learn to love Him in the manner worthy of Him, in which He deserves as the reward of His suffering.

Meditation on God and His Works

Quote from Pleasures Evermore by Sam Storm:

"Just thinking about thinking about God can be a mind-altering experience. Actually thinking about Him is even better" (p. 196).

Well said.

For starters, see Psalm 145.
Psalm 27:4
Psalm 63:6
Psalm 77:5-6, 11-12
Psalm 111:2
Psalm 119:27
Psalm 143:5
Psalm 145:5
Colossians 3:1-2
Hebrews 12:2-3

Becoming that which you already are...

Inspiration can come from the most unlikely places. And this instance is no exception. Steven had recorded a new drama directed by Jerry Bruckheimer and was watching it while I was in the same room preparing photos to be posted on the family blog. I won’t go into the nitty gritty details of the show, but you might need to know the overall premise to understand the quote that struck me while I as “listening.”

The show chronicles the deeply undercover work of a specialized group of Los Angeles policemen and women. The assignments obviously include elaborate “cover” stories, or second lives, that the people must lead in order to get to the bad guys. At a crucial point in the pilot, one of the more seasoned agents is sharing with the newby regarding the difficult balance it takes to keep your real self separate from the “cover” self and the confusion that sometimes blurs the line in understanding who the real you actually is.

He states, “How long can you pretend to be something before you become it? Right?”

At which point I turned to Steven and said, “That could be true both good and bad.” I would simply like to replace the word “pretend” with “believe,” and I think we are onto something.

It reminded me of a tween fantasy-adventure series called The Wilderking Trilogy which is the re-telling of the story of King David only in an imaginary world that is fashioned after the woods, rivers and swamps of the southern half of Georgia. It has a definite Lewis, Tolkien feel to it. At one point in the story, the “prophet” known as Bayard the Truthspeaker visits Lord Errol’s land and announces that his youngest son, Aidan is destined to be the much prophesied “Wilderking.” I will never forget a conversation the prophet has with the would be king (I would quote it directly, but my library collection is in storage at this point in time).

The prophet says that Aidan is the Wilderking, but Aidan asks how he is supposed to become the Wilderking. To which the prophet simply states, “Live the life that is in front of you.”

There it is. You are. Believe that you are (or in some cases pretend to believe until you actually do). Live the life in front of you. And you become that which you already are.

Hopefully that is clear as mud. Makes sense in my head, but the words seem to mess it all up. Maybe a few examples would help.

1. I am victorious (1 John 5:4; 1 Corinthians 15:57). Believing that I am victorious, I live the life in front of me. I become victorious.
2. I am holy and blameless (Eph. 1:4; 1 Corinthians 1:8). Believing that I am holy and blameless, I live the life in front of me. I become holy and blameless.
3. I am set free (Romans 8:2; John 8:32). Believing that I am set free, I live the life in front of me. I become set free.
4. I am more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37). Believing that I am more than a conqueror, I live the life in front of me. I become more than a conqueror.
5. I am the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21). Believing that I am the righteousness of God, I live the life in front of me. I become the righteousness of God.
6. I am a light in the world (Matthew 5:14). Believing that I am a light in the world, I live the life in front of me. I become a light in the world.
7. I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15). Believing that I am Christ’s friend, I live the life in front of me. I become Christ’s friend.
8. Etc, etc, etc.

What is your cover story? And how close is it to the truth of who the Bible says you are in Christ? Believe, live and become the truth.

Sippy Cup Envy

I have actually had this episode written in my head for a week or so, but could not decide whether it belonged here or on the family blog - Adventures in Serendipity. But after writing yesterday's post, I realized that it would support the point I made rather nicely. So, lucky you, here it is.

Last week I met a friend and her two children at the mall so we could visit while the kids ran wild (as you may know I use the term "ran" loosely when referring to my child). After 30 minutes or so, I noticed an interesting phenomenon, more accurately an epidemic, taking place all over the "playground." It began with one child noticing the abandoned sippy cup of another child who was busy jumping off the toys and generally enjoying his life as a carefree three-year old.

Then, before I could comprehend what was happening, it was on. I watched in amazement as mothers all around the play area struggled to pull their respective children back from grabbing and drinking from a sippy cup other than their own. Tempers flared, tantrums were thrown (yes, I am referring to the mothers). Sippy cup envy had turned what moments before had been peaceful playtime full of frolicking children into a maelstrom of discontent and extreme frustration.

As I watched this episode unfold in front of me, I was immediately struck by a few things. First being, how scary it is to realize that the propensity for jealousy and dissatisfaction with one’s own things can manifest itself in such young children. Phooey on The Fall and that pesky sin nature we are born with. Secondly, how tragic it was that because these children had become so obsessed with wanting something that was not theirs and that they could not have that they were missing out on the incredible gift and blessing of the freedom to play – to run free, climb high, jump far, and just plain enjoy the company of other kiddos. A temporary desire or supposed pleasure was stealing the joy set before them.

Hmm. Sound familiar? How many times do we allow our joy in Christ to be stolen by our childish jealousy and dissatisfaction with our present condition? Why does this happen? The object of our focus. Perspective. 100 ft. Rubbish or Risen Christ?

I am reminded of Sam Storms’ comments on the words of Paul found in Colossians 2:20-23:

“Holiness, in this case the ability to say No to ‘fleshly indulgence’ (2:23), comes not from rigorous asceticism or self-restraint but from a mind captivated and controlled by the beauty and majesty of the risen Christ and all that we are in Him in the heavenlies!

Yielding to fleshly urges is overcome by ‘seeking’ the things above. Fixing our minds on ‘things above’ leaves little time or mental energy for earthly fantasies. The heart that is entranced by the risen Christ is not easily seduced by ‘the things that are on earth’ (verse 2b). Paul uses language that requires both the energetic orientation of our will (‘keep seeking’) as well as the singular devotion of our mind (‘set your mind’). This is a conscious and volitionally deliberate movement of the soul to fix and ground itself on, indeed to glut itself in, if you will, the beauty of spiritual realities as opposed to the trivial and tawdry things of this world” (p. 131).

“’Seeing’ Jesus in the Word reconfigures our emotional chemistry and transforms the disposition of our hearts in terms of what we love, desire, cherish, hate” (p. 133).

Or the words of a dear sister in Christ and gifted photographer, Dejah Quinn: “I know it feels like an uphill marathon....just keep running my dear! Chasing HIM...Don't EVER stop. And keep listening...He will coach you. Listen to His convictions...and His alone. (Us humans have really screwed up the recipe of the gospel buy adding our own ingredients....haven't we?!).”

The object (or person) of obsession is our choice – the neighbor’s sippy cup or the incomparable beauty of the Son of God?

Truly, only Christ matters.

Perspective

I am going to share a real life story with ya, but let me apologize in advance. Because it is either one of those "you had to be there" stories or one that is fully appreciated when it is told in person, or both. Anywho, let's give it a shot and hopefully this not-so-spiritual example will turn out to be just the tool I needed to make my deep, spiritual point in the end (this could be a train wreck). Because, as Rob Bell says, "Everything is spiritual."

Not so long ago, the family was driving north on I-35 from Norman into Moore. It had been awhile since I had taken that route, but not so long that I was not abreast of any major changes. As I was gazing at my dear husband (no worries, he was driving - not me), suddenly I saw a neighborhood just west of the highway that in all my many travels I had never noticed before. My first thought was, "Hey, where did that come from?" This new discovery prompted me to investigate my surroundings more thoroughly upon which I realized that I no longer recognized where I was.

The logical part of my brain reminded me that we were heading north on I-35 between Norman and Moore, the more powerful, not-so-logical side was beginning to panic. Against my better judgment, I decided to share my concern with the long-suffering driver of the vehicle. Only to be greeted with an even more disturbing reality. He lovingly pointed out my window to show me that "our highway," the one we would normally be driving on was just a mere 100 ft to our right, or east.

You see, the new stimulus package had created yet another road construction project in OK so that this particular section of the north bound highway was closed and the traffic diverted to one lane of what would normally be part of the south bound traffic. I had an eery, out-of-body type feeling watching the road we should be traveling on passing by without us on it. Boy, did we have a good laugh over that paranoid episode. So much so, I arrived at our destination looking like a raccoon.

But I digress. I can hear you begging, "Point, please, Misty. Get to the point."

Change in perspective. 100 ft. That is all it took to completely discombobulate (go, Cha Cha, go) me. I was totally lost. EVERYTHING looked different to me, even when we reached sections of the road where there were major businesses that I did recognize. Familiar, yet different. 100 ft. rocked my little world.

Somehow, I think that is what Paul is talking about in his "rubbish" passage in Philippians 3:7-11.

"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them rubbish in order that I might gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection of the dead."

Admittedly, Paul's conversion on the road to Damascus was a much more drastic change in perspective than a mere 100 ft. But the principle applies: a change in perspective caused EVERYTHING to look different to him. What he once prized, now disgusts him. Why? Because when our focus is Christ, knowing Him, being found in Him - all else just fades away.

Paul made a list (man, I love that guy) of the things he boasted in prior to his change in perspective.

From Pleasures Evermore by Sam Storm:

1. He was circumcised the eighth day.
2. He was of the nation of Israel.
3. He was of the tribe of Benjamin.
4. He was a Hebrew of Hebrews.
5. He was, as to the Law, a Pharisee.
6. He was, as to zeal, a persecutor of the church.
7. He was, as to righteousness, blameless.

"Perhaps it would be wise for each of us to pause at this point and draw up on own list. So let me ask you: What are the seven things in this world, in your life, that compete with the most intensity to win your heart away from Jesus? If you were of a mind to boast in earthly achievements and accolades, what would they be?"(p. 116).

I am going to share my list, and then I would love for each of you to share your list in the comments section if you feel prompted to do so. Or, you could share a personal perspective change experience. Not just the initial conversion experience, but maybe a gut-check along the way that brought you back into proper focus of The King. That is basically what this blog has been for me. A chronicle of the Master planned and orchestrated change in perspective of one, Misty Garrison, humbled wife and mother who is finally learning what it means to fall in love with Christ.

My list, in no particular order:
1. My Christian heritage and upbringing
2. My personal sacrifices made for the kingdom
3. My self-righteousness - or human attempts at "being a Christian" and doing what Christians do and not doing what Christians don't do (whatever that means)
4. My "knowledge" and "study" of spiritual thingys
5. My station in life (as if I have anything to do with that)
6. My faithful "church" attendance and service
7. My ability to "earn more points" than the next guy

Your turn.

Today's quote:

"God is not so much about fixing things that have gone wrong in our lives as finding us in our brokenness and giving us Christ."

from A Jesus Manifesto for the 21st Century Church
by Leonard Sweet and Frank Viola

Grace.

I just love reading books written by authors who have struggled with legalism and yet are now living in the beauty of grace. Or the letters written by our beloved brother Paul. They give me hope. I, too, will get it someday. The light will come on, bells will start to ring, and I will allow God’s grace to wash over me, filling my cup to overflowing that I might then be an agent of grace to those around me.

With that in mind, I was reading the highlights I made in the books of one of my favorite authors of late and would like to share of few thoughts that struck home with me. Sometimes a little too close to home, if you know what I mean.

From Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel:

“Home grown grace. I personally have no idea what this kind of grace looks like.

There’s nothing about grace that comes naturally to me. My appreciation for this wonderful gift has grown from the myriad ways I’ve received it rather than the isolated cases where I’ve happened to exercise it (p 127).

In one sense, legalism is a lazy man’s religion. It’s an empty Sunday suit that doesn’t require much of a personal relationship with God. It doesn’t require much thinking either. You simply memorize the list of things that good Christians do, and then you try to check off as many as possible during the week. You also study a much longer list of things that Christians don’t do. You have to work overtime to avoid doing these things, while at the same time avoiding anyone who does them as well (p. 128). {Sound familiar to anyone else but me? Oh, the elaborate point system I have concocted in my mind.}

Lest you think that being raised in strident, legalistic churches is a prerequisite to an adult life of legalism, the fact is that legalism is the path of choice for many, if not most, people who come to know Christ personally. There’s something instinctive about turning a belief system into a checklist and faith into a formula. It’s also easy to distill beliefs into programs and rituals that substitute for true intimacy with God. When God gives you children, you head to church to see if someone has some answers in a pre-packaged and predictable plan for turning them into strong Christian kids (p. 130-131). {Good, I’m not alone in this craziness after all. Oh, I am deeply sorry if you are one of the poor saps in this mess with me.}

One of the great things about God’s grace is the safe haven it offers to a transparent heart. He doesn’t require masks in His throne room. I know. I’ve been there.

Jesus makes people feel comfortable even when He catches them without their make-up. When circumstances scrub off the layers of their self-confidence, and their shortcomings wash away the foundation of their self-righteousness, Jesus isn’t appalled by the blemishes He finds underneath. There’s no sin too bad, no doubt too big, no question too hard, and no heart too broken for His grace to deal with.

These are the very things that children need to learn early on in their lives, and God has given parents the responsibility to be the gatekeepers of His grace. It is your careful response to these fragile issues that plays the key role in whether your children will even be inclined to head down the path to God's grace. Further, seeing your regular trips down this path for your own personal vulnerabilities make is easier for your children to trust you when you try to take their hands and show them the way (p. 164).

You’ll probably never know the profound impact that the giving of grace will have on your children’s vulnerabilities, but it’s obvious how much devastation can be wrought if you don’t. If God had not visited Paul with grace during his times of vulnerability, his letters and his history probably would have turned out quite differently. It’s the same for your children. Those things within their lives that give them pause are the very things you are called to meet with grace (p. 177).

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:9b-10).

It was in God’s grace that Paul figured out how to feel secure, significant, and strong. His personal weaknesses and points of vulnerability weren’t removed, but he had the necessary grace to face them and accept them (p. 176).

Could it be possible that after we have accepted this gift for ourselves, we might begin to extend it to our children, our loved ones, our hard-to-love ones, our they-hurt-me ones, our they-failed-me ones? Instead of focusing on shortcomings, failures, weaknesses, irritations, inconveniences, what if we celebrated the beauty in our people? What an amazing gift it could be. May it be so, Lord.

I have said it before, and I will say it again:

“I want to be safe – that place where people can fail and still be loved” (from Quaker Summer by Lisa Samson).

A few quotes before bed...

From The Weight of Glory and Other Addresses by C.S. Lewis:

"If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

From Pleasures Evermore by Sam Storm:

"The goal or purpose of the Christian is precisely the pursuit of happiness - in God. The reason for this is that there is no greater way to glorify God than to find in Him the happiness that my soul so desperately craves" (p.33).

"God is most glorified in us when we are most happy and delighted and satisfied in Him. And it is this happiness in Him that alone will, at the end of the day, win our hearts for holiness and wean us from sin. Pleasure in God is the power for purity" (p. 29).

From Trading Sorrows by Darrell Evans

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

Chorus:
And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

And I would add:
I'm trading my list of rules,
I'm trading my efforts against sin,
I laying them down for delight in the Lord

I'm trading my self-righteousness,
I'm trading my religiosity,
I'm laying it down for delight in the Lord

Emptied, that I might be filled……

with joy. Thanks to Cha Cha and his comment recently on joy, I have a nice transition into my next post.

From Cha Cha: I think as we mature in our Christian walk the more we realize how messed up we are. (Sinful creatures) But we need to remember lots of things one being...Joy...the Christian life is supposed to be full of joy.

That is why, lately, I really like Romans 15:13 "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing..."

As a recovering Pharisee (one of these days I plan to be able to say “former” Pharisee but as for now the battle is too fierce and the lapses too frequent and long to claim that victory. Soon, please Lord, soon), I have spent a great deal of my life dedicated to keeping up with the “rules” of Christianity and the “performance” that goes along with that. In the past satisfaction was found in my human efforts at righteousness in an attempt to please God, my fellow man, and myself. Yes, that is called sin. If only they had special meetings for people like me…..oh, yeah, they do. It is what we like to call church.

Despite the fact that my head knows and believes God is interested in a relationship with me instead of a list of rules that I have followed, my heart struggles. Or perhaps it is the other way around. In either case, my temperament along with years of living in a performance-based society (sometimes church included) have made this a difficult weight to bear and to unload. Oh, what I would give for a few more late night discussions (otherwise known as therapy) under the tutelage of Rob O and his precious wife. That brother gets it. He is hard-wired for it.

Instead God, in His infinite wisdom, has chosen to chip away at my addiction to religiosity through His Word and the words of human authors in the various books I have been reading. Through religious detox, He has stripped me down to zero. I no longer know what I thought I knew. Now begins the rebuilding. God can rebuild me, He has the technology. He can make me better than I was before. Better. Stronger. Filled with more joy!

A few words from the book Pleasures Evermore by Sam Storm (who just so happens to pastor the church we have been visiting – coincidence? – I think NOT), and then I must go for today as the baby begins to sing and tell stories in her crib:

“Holiness is then measured by how successful we are in saying No to our list of personal prohibitions. Being a Christian becomes an issue of restraint. We define our identity in Christ in terms of what we don’t do (that’s me). We judge the spiritual status and maturity of others based on how diligent they are to withdraw from the same list of prohibited activities we do (ouch!). Love for God is measured by our commitment to separate from the unsavory and avoid the unacceptable (p. 22). The result notes Jeff Imbach, is this:

‘Life becomes proscribed by all the things we should avoid and prescribed by all the things we must be careful to do. We get so busy trying to demonstrate our spiritual correctness that we lose the art of living out of our souls. We downsize our souls to achieve a safer bottom line of religious acceptability. We are left to live between the rock of crisp correct religious doctrines and rules, and the hard place of duty-bound activity as supposed proof of our spiritual fervor (from The River Within: Loving God, Living Passionately, p. 23).

I say, “No more!” I have had enough. I choose victory. I choose joy! But, how?

“There is no way to triumph over sin long-term unless we develop a distaste for it because of a superior satisfaction in God. The only way to find sin distasteful is to eat and savor the sweetness of all that God for us in Jesus. The solution isn’t to stop eating. The answer isn’t found in ignoring our hunger pangs. They key is ingesting the joys of Jesus and the grace, mercy, kindness, love, forgiveness, power, and peace that He alone can bring to the famished soul” (p.21-22).

May it be so! And in case you still don’t get it, because I sure haven’t.

“I’m convinced (Sam speaking here) that we have only one of two options. Either we can devote ourselves and our time and our energy to demonstrating the ugliness and futility of sin and the world, hoping that such will embolden our hearts to say No to it as unworthy of our affection, or we can demonstrate the beauty and splendor of all that God is for us in Jesus and become happily and joyfully enticed by a rival affection.”

“The only way to liberate the heart from servitude to the passing pleasures of sin is by cultivating a passion for the joy and delight of beholding the beauty of God in the face of Jesus. What breaks the power of sin is faith in the promise that the pleasures of sin are temporary and toxic but at God’s right hand are pleasures evermore” (see Psalm 16:11) (p. 31).

Amen. And in case you missed it the first time you read it: “We get so busy trying to demonstrate our spiritual correctness that we lose the art of living out of our souls” (Jeff Imbach). Chew on that a while.

Confused, confident and in need of comments

I feel like I am finally hitting my stride. Thirty-something and getting comfortable in my own skin. Not satisfied mind you, but comfortable. You might even say confident. I don't have it all figured out by any means, but that is why I feel confident. I can finally admit to myself and to others, without shame, that I do not have the answers. I don't need the answers - I have Him. I can finally begin to rest in Him. So there it is - still confused, but utterly confident.


Being able to express myself in this blog and by journaling in my other new obsession (digital scrapbooking) have helped tremendously in treating what I like to call "my crazy." It has been extremely cathartic to get my thoughts out there. I have experienced a tremendous comfort in having an outlet of expression, no longer bottling everything inside. Nothing has changed per se....as I stated earlier - no answers. But each time I allow a piece of myself out through the written word, I feel another weight being lifted. As if by admitting it to whomever may or may not be reading, I am releasing my grasp of it. I still need to continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling as it says in The Word, but I don't feel the need to hold so tightly to my "issues." They are still there, but they no longer crush me.


So I guess I am saying thank-you to anyone who might take the time to read, because even if I may not hear back from you, somehow the Lord lets me know that you are carrying the burden with me. And for that I am eternally grateful. I know all too well the weight of "my crazy," so your willingness to experience it with me goes beyond words.

We were made in the image of a triune, relational God who is in constant communion. Therefore, it is part of my Christian DNA to desire to share my life with others, and while life circumstances (raising our crazy critter) have taken me out of circulation so to speak - this avenue of expression is all the more precious to me. Some days I wish that it could be more of a dialogue instead of a monologue. Add that desire to the fact that one of my love languages is "words of affirmation," and you have a blogger in need of more comments. As much as I tell myself and my husband that I do not write for comments but instead for self-reflection, healing and perhaps the opportunity to help another on this journey, I still find myself logging in numerous times a day to check to see if there have been any comments added.

I do not share this to cause guilt or coercion of comments, but instead as encouragement to any of you who have been feeling lead to share but have been hesitant to do so. We have so much to learn from one another, and I know for certain that I am not the only one with something to say. You never know who your words might help, yourself included. Of course, I must confess that I, myself, am negligent when it comes to commenting on the blogs that I read regularly. I read, am encouraged, challenged, touched, etc. then go about my merry way without letting the people I read know how much their words have blessed me. Pot calling the kettle black, so to speak. Yet another example of hypocrisy in my life. Will it ever end? Yes, the day My Lord comes to take me home. Selah.