Confused, confident and in need of comments

I feel like I am finally hitting my stride. Thirty-something and getting comfortable in my own skin. Not satisfied mind you, but comfortable. You might even say confident. I don't have it all figured out by any means, but that is why I feel confident. I can finally admit to myself and to others, without shame, that I do not have the answers. I don't need the answers - I have Him. I can finally begin to rest in Him. So there it is - still confused, but utterly confident.


Being able to express myself in this blog and by journaling in my other new obsession (digital scrapbooking) have helped tremendously in treating what I like to call "my crazy." It has been extremely cathartic to get my thoughts out there. I have experienced a tremendous comfort in having an outlet of expression, no longer bottling everything inside. Nothing has changed per se....as I stated earlier - no answers. But each time I allow a piece of myself out through the written word, I feel another weight being lifted. As if by admitting it to whomever may or may not be reading, I am releasing my grasp of it. I still need to continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling as it says in The Word, but I don't feel the need to hold so tightly to my "issues." They are still there, but they no longer crush me.


So I guess I am saying thank-you to anyone who might take the time to read, because even if I may not hear back from you, somehow the Lord lets me know that you are carrying the burden with me. And for that I am eternally grateful. I know all too well the weight of "my crazy," so your willingness to experience it with me goes beyond words.

We were made in the image of a triune, relational God who is in constant communion. Therefore, it is part of my Christian DNA to desire to share my life with others, and while life circumstances (raising our crazy critter) have taken me out of circulation so to speak - this avenue of expression is all the more precious to me. Some days I wish that it could be more of a dialogue instead of a monologue. Add that desire to the fact that one of my love languages is "words of affirmation," and you have a blogger in need of more comments. As much as I tell myself and my husband that I do not write for comments but instead for self-reflection, healing and perhaps the opportunity to help another on this journey, I still find myself logging in numerous times a day to check to see if there have been any comments added.

I do not share this to cause guilt or coercion of comments, but instead as encouragement to any of you who have been feeling lead to share but have been hesitant to do so. We have so much to learn from one another, and I know for certain that I am not the only one with something to say. You never know who your words might help, yourself included. Of course, I must confess that I, myself, am negligent when it comes to commenting on the blogs that I read regularly. I read, am encouraged, challenged, touched, etc. then go about my merry way without letting the people I read know how much their words have blessed me. Pot calling the kettle black, so to speak. Yet another example of hypocrisy in my life. Will it ever end? Yes, the day My Lord comes to take me home. Selah.