Trading Passion for Glory

Why do I feel like I have surrendered my passion for the fight and instead am merely enjoying the glory of past victories? Why do "the conversations around the coffeepot in the adult Sunday School classes or in the lobby after the worship service have the hollow ring of people who haven't been in a bout for the Lord in a long time? (all words in quotations are either direct quotes or adapted from author, Dr. Tim Kimmel)

I in know way mean to be ungrateful to the Father, or my parents, or my Christian upbringing, or the countless number of people who played a large role in my spiritual history, but sometimes my skin begins to itch and I feel a certain amount of jealousy toward my brothers and sisters who have come into the family later in their earthly lives. One cannot miss the true passion in their hearts, the contagious love they have for Christ, and the willingness they possess to follow Him in the manner in which He has asked.....placing themselves in the "ongoing battle for the hearts and souls of men" despite the risks, demands, and utter loneliness it may cost them.

They have yet to be lulled to sleep spiritually by "basking in the glory of Christian busywork....volunteering, serving, participating in Christian programs," and attending church all of which can be good things except when they usurp an intimate relationship with Christ and render us useless to the actual cause of Christ and the sacrifice He made on the cross.

I can honestly say that the only battle I have actively been engaged in for the kingdom in a long time is my constant struggle to keep up the appearances of a "good" Christian while "playing church." I maintain the smile of a contented, victorious Christian all the while I want to stand up during the church service and shout, "What in the name of la ti da are we doing?" (forgive the reference to Jack's Big Music Show). "How did we allow ourselves to get to the place where "success is measured in ways that are easily quantifiable: how much you know about God, how much you serve, what public policy issues you embrace, what kind of Christian friends you have, your spiritual reputation, the kind of money you make, the amount of money you give to God, how few hassles you have in life, how well your kids behave, and how consistent your spiritual routine is." Why did we trade our passion for Christ for a convenient Christian experence. When along the way did we trade church activity for a passionate, obedient walk with God? Why do I, after being raised in a Christian home and in the church, not even know what that is?

Again, my skin begins to itch, and I desire to truly know Jesus and Him crucified - nothing else. I desire to be an authentic Christian, not a Stepford Christian. But I feel that I am at an impass.....all I have ever known and been shown (except for the few brothers/sisters I mentioned earlier) is the country club, hobby mentality of Christianity that is "enamored by the wholesome and pleasant activities of Christianity" and "enjoys the fellowship, the music, and even some of the service opportunities. But does not necessarily connect to Christianity through Christ. It is more drawn to God's people than to God Himself. Church is merely a great moral and social activity to do with our families."

I no longer want to "gravitate toward the things that make my Christian life safer and more comfortable instead of things that make my Christian life stronger."

Again, I am not sure what that is or what it looks like. So I humbly ask the Father to show me grace in my pursuit of His Son and to continue to place some of His faithful ones in my life that I might have a glimpse of Christianity that is not just something we do or something we know: it's Someone we love. May it be granted to me to truly see Christ as He is, high and lifted up - The King of Kings. I ask not for perfection, just the right perspective.

As King David once said:

"Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of my salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you." (Psalm 51:10-13)